It was a typical late night with some guys from the Seraphim (a Christian online gaming group I created 8 years ago) last week when the idea first crossed my mind. We were sitting in a channel of our TeamSpeak VOIP server talking about life, sharing scriptures with each other, and answering each others questions related to problems with ministry and living out our faith.
Then it hit me.
From out of the blue the Holy Spirit nailed me with one of the heaviest questions He had ever given me.
“Sure, Dave … how do you know it was God? Does God really talk to you?”
Yes, He does.
“How do you know that?”
Let’s give it a simple test:
- Is the thing revealed to my mind/spirit godly? Does it lead to godly character that conforms to the image of Christ as revealed in the Bible? Does it contradict any scripture?
- Does it exalt Him?
- Does it edify me or humble me?
- Is it easy?
- Is it something I was already thinking about? Could it just be an idea that I had?
This list may not seem theologically deep to some, and that is OK. Let me go on and you will understand my list as I address it in reverse order.
5. It was totally something fresh and new that crossed my mind. I was not even thinking of this idea and probably would not have.
4. Thinking about it was initially easy … but the more I thought about it, the harder it got. I did not want to think about it, much less talk about it … but that was the next step of obedience … introduce and then ask the question to the guys I was talking with. I told them “This question just came to me and I know it is from God. If it is not for you, then that is fine. I just have to be obedient and share it.”
3. It ripped me to my core all night and began a breaking process that the world has tried to interrupt through the activity and stresses of life. That is why I wrote the question on a card and hung it on my main computer monitor so I could not escape the question.
2. It is what He wants of me … plain and simple. No doubt about it.
- Yes. Yes. And, no.
I did not give the guys in the channel my answer to the question because I had not formed it yet.
After I delivered the question, they grew quiet as if letting the ripples from the linguistic splash completely die down before resuming the conversation. I honestly cannot remember much of the conversation after that as I grappled with and tried to ignore the question I could not get off my mind.
I offered answer after reasonable answer to the Holy Spirit as he revealed that each one was a carefully concealed excuse.
The question, though short and simple, exposed my overgrown worldly nature with its callous disregard for things that truly matter. I had assuaged my conscience with the “I’m OK, you’re OK” mentality that I loathe and substituted the reality of life for entertaining fictions.
As I finally went to bed, the answer He wanted all along came welling up from my soul and it hit me as soon as I closed my eyes . . . and I spoke it.
That is what He was after all along.
“I just don’t care.”
Do you know how hard it is to perform any task when “you just don’t care?”
That is right where I was with the answer and the truth with all of its hurts began to break me. That is, until Hurricane Zeta came through, then school resumed, and everything got busy again.
But even now, the note card that holds His question is there looking at me to remind me of the question that I dare not duck nor shirk.
It is phrased the exact same way that He asked me and I share it because maybe it is for you as well.
I know it is Him.
I know only I am to blame for my answer.
What of your answer, my friend?
He desires a better answer from me, I know. One from a softened heart that has been broken and then bound up to know that only His truth matters.
And I know that only He can lead me to where I need to be … a place where I am useful and profitable to Him.
Anything else is another rotten lying excuse masquerading as a reason.
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